Roger Zee Memoirs

"Life and Times of a Pandemic Musician"

2021 The Endgame 08/12/21

So I pulled the plug. Had to do it. After three years of chemo, Dr. Bryan Blair told me I should continue indefinitely. I told him, "No F*ing way!" Welcome to another episode of the "Life and Times of a Pandemic Musician." B-|

In May of 2018, Dr. Blair diagnosed me with extremely aggressive prostate cancer. That June, he started me on 45 days of radiation and gave me my first butt shot of Trelstar (Triptorelin Pamoate), which prevents the body from producing testosterone. I received an injection every three months for three years. D-':

At the time, Dr. Bryan explained that the drug wouldn't work any longer than that. Prostate cancer thrives on testosterone. It can lie dormant for long periods of time, then roar back when it scores some. :-O

Since the shot lasts for three months, I figured I'd get my last injection in April of 2021. When I receive my January 2021 shot, Dr. Blair informs me I will get the last injection in July. I didn't understand, but chose not to argue. >:O

However, when I show up in April, I joke with the nurse that our every three month booty call will sadly end this July. She laughs and says, "Wait here and I'll check with the doctor." She comes back and tells me Dr. Blair says today's your last injection. Too happy to argue, I reach out to hug her which doesn't go over too well in this age of rabid Covid! I apologize profusely. >:/

In July, I take a PSA test and return to discuss the results and my therapy options. I'm greeted at the door by a new, gorgeous, Jamaican nurse. Fortunately, I'm wearing my Bob Marley t-shirt with a Pork Pie hat and greet her with "One Love!" She smiles, takes me into the treatment room, closes the door, and tells me, "Drop your drawers!" "Why?" I ask. "I finished my chemo in April. Please check with Dr. Blair." :{

Five minutes later, the doctor walks in the room and the drama begins. He informs me that my PSA level's basically 0. "So why do you want to inject me again? You told me the medicine would only work for three years." "Oh, I never said that." "Yeah you did -- repeatedly. That's not something I will ever forget." "Oh, you must have misunderstood me. Practicing medicine's an art, not a science." "I get that," I reply. He continues, "Some people stay on the drug for five to ten years." ;-)

I look him in the eye and say, "Thank you for saving my life. But you made it not worth living! I always celebrated the 'Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll' lifestyle." But now, the drugs take away sex and Covid's killed Rock 'n Roll. I can't live my life as a hairless eunuch in constant menopause, replete with non-stop hot flashes, tears, the shakes, incontinence, and an inability to sleep more than two hours at a time!" D:<

"Will I ever get an erection or ejaculate again?" He looks at me sadly. "I don't think so. Fifty percent of men who receive one dose of genital radiation never achieve either." "So why are you telling me this now and not when I struggled to make the choice between radiation and surgery? Choosing radiation's the biggest mistake of my life! :'-(

I continue. "Did you ever see the movie, 'The Imitation Game,' about the life of Alan Turing, the man who invented the first computer and cracked the Nazi encryption code which allowed the Allies to win WWII? After saving the world, they arrest him on a homosexuality charge and sentence him to jail. In lieu of prison, he opts for chemical castration. A year after choosing that, he commits suicide. That's how I feel. I can't take it anymore!" :{

Then Dr. Blair asks, "Do you want one last shot for the road?" "No! I lived my life as a bad-ass and I will leave this earth the same way! I made my peace with God and I'm ready to go." He looks at me sadly and sets up another appointment in six months for a January PSA test and consultation. That's when I find out if the cancer returns. 8-O

Still in shock when I get home, I call up my ex-wife Wendy and explain my situation. She calls me selfish. "How can you refuse treatment when you haven't even met your own grandchildren?" "What?" I exclaim. "We don't have grandchildren. Neither of our kids are married and both don't want kids!" ;-)

Afterwards, I reach out by phone to my daughter Charlotte, son Spencer, and my sister Liz. They're all proud of me. They understand and support my decision 100%. ^_^

So now as Covid infections start shooting through the roof again, one of my closest friends, double vaxxed like myself with Pfizer in March, comes down with a bad case! I don't know what to do. Lock myself back up or just party till the end. :-O

So as always, I reach for Bluie, my trusty Mexican Fender Jazz Bass, and dig deep into the music as I play along to "Walkin' Blues" and "Get Out My Life Woman" from the Paul Butterfield Blues Band album, "East-West." The good news -- my hair's starting to grow back and so's my desire for women! "Get ready, cause here I come!" At least virtually... One <3

YouTube - Get Out My Life, Woman - Paul Butterfield Blues Band